Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
