all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
