I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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