At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
