U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
