I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
