And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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