There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
