i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
