Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
