they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
