More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
