i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
