chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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