omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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