WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
