in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize