I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
