Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
