goodnight i made you a song goodbye
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
