I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
