His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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