Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
