He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
