She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
