I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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