Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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