I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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