You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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