I cannot find my penis.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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