You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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