Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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