Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
