it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
