does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
