just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
