my soul wont recognize me after tonight
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
