this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
