Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
