we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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