Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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