maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
