i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
