White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm passing your future prison.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
