okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
