I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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