ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
