big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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