i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
