It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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