Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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