Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
