It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
