now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
