Apparently you make a good broom.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
