Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
