Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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