I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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