The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
