This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
