ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
