but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
