So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
