Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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