My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
