All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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