No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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