Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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