I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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