im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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