whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
