We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
