he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize