The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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