Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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