That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
