My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
