I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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