We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
