He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
